The Diary of a lovesick.. (My beloved, but not anymore- VW Beetle)

"Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized". Why I write this? Because this is the second funniest statement I think Adolf Hitler ever made. The first one was about Beetle being a people's car. Well, back in 1939 when this little bug was called Volkswagen Type-I and fancy advertisements in newspapers asked you to "Five marks a week you must put aside- If in your own car you want to ride" (Germans are very funny indeed) calling it a car for the masses must've been more rational but with the New VW Beetle, the one I drove, it truly looks like another good joke by the Germans. But the name still remains "Volks-Wagen".
Sometimes I wonder if the Indian auto market will ever be taken as anything more than the best dumping ground by International players. Ah anyways, launched globally in 1998 the new Beetle touched the holy land of grubby Ganges, vanishing Yamuna, mother cow choking to death nourishing on polyethene bags, off-road experience on national highways and blowing horn being an additional fundamental right, in short, our very own country, India in 2009. And then began the unending stories of advance bookings, cars driving down to Ludhiana, Mumbai and Bangalore before the rest of the country could actually catch a glimpse of the most popular car in the history of carkind.

From Ferdinand's idea of a small car to transport 2 adults and price of a motorcycle, to the latest fashion statement with a price tag enough to support the elementary education of 20 kids in India, Beetle has traveled a long way. By now you get a very clear idea of how disappointed I am with the new bug. But still, talking a little about it won't do any harm to anyone living or dead. A 2.0 liter transverse-mounted, water cooled petrol engine with a 6-speed automatic transmission. What else should I say? Falling short of words, looking for things to write, recalling that yellow thing which stood in the office porch for three days but no help.

Hmmm… Let me think. She looks lovely. Her round sparkling eyes (they even shine at night you know) the crease of the hood pervades like a cute grin from her left cheek to the right. She is comfortably high for the ugly bumps on the road. Or should I say, the bumps fail to touch my baby's floor coz of her high heels. Bootilicious she is, with some good meat err.. space in the boot.
Excellent build quality and ne plus ultra paintwork. The built quality on the outside, unfortunately doesn't trickle into the cabin. Beige interiors (you also have black as an option) are a pleasant sight indeed, but go close to the dash, knock on the plastic and you feel cheated. The plastic quality in the cabin doesn't match up to the brand name. Even the iconic flower vase which has always enjoyed a special place in the advertisements, looks borrowed.

The entire styling in the cabin has been done keeping the bug's poppy eyes in mind. Therefore, A/C vents, stereo system, meter cluster are all in an oval shape. An MP3 player on the stereo panel, 6-CD changer in the arm-rest, Aux-in port, 4 airbags (2 for driver and passenger still make sense, but I fail to understand the idea of putting 2 airbags in the B-pillar when there is just no space for anything even an inch bigger than your golf bag. And that too, if you put it horizontally) are some of the features this chic offers. You ask me about audio output, I say, 'Yellow Submarine' saved me from getting drowned in the twinge of my ladylove being a neighborhood whore. (LOL).
The front seats have ample legroom for both driver and passenger to change into a fresh pair of trousers in the car. I mean, it is pretty good. Even if you are as tall as my last boyfriend, the air above whose head belonged to a different layer of atmosphere, the headroom wouldn't disappoint you. Well, don't take me seriously here, and make Khali, the wrestler, sit in the car without prior warnings. The power window switches gave me another round of hearty laugh.

Okay, enough about the interiors, I don't want the little thing to cry. Did I tell you how nervous I sometimes feel when I see someone cry? Okay, never mind. A bit of an effort with the 6-speed automatic transmission there and off we go.
If you have seen the episodes of old Mr Bean series, then you must definitely have seen that one when he goes to a garage and is bewildered to see that the hood has no engine under it. After spending countless hours inspecting the bug, they find the engine in the boot! Haha! Well, I was just trying to tell that originally the engine was placed in the rear end of the car and it was a rear wheel drive. But wasn't the story funny? ROFL.

But time is the villain, my friend. New Beetle comes with a 2 liter, front transversely placed, liquid-cooled engine which spits out max power of 114 bhp and max torque of 172 Nm. Sheesh, 'spits' make it look like a Chinese dragon! The car is cute and all that but one thing that I was asking myself repeatedly was, "There are no Prairies, no sheep, no riversides, no Italian men (Mumma says, Italian men are the best lovers), so why the melodramatic drive?" The answer I got (from myself, duhh…) was, because you're driving a Beetle and not a race-car, silly. Good looking, very well advertised, bears a history, a long one at that, is all fine but where is the punch?
"Oh excuse me, did you just say punch? I am sorry, but I don't believe in violence." is what she had to say.

German bimbo! Haven't heard of them! New example of globalization, I say. Ha! But still, the New Beetle comes from the family of 1.8TSIs, A4s, Skoda Octavias, but lacks the feel. Now you know what, when, where, how, why this loverdoo's heart was broken.

I had even booked travel packages for me and my lady love to the fine roads of Italy, where my princess feels at home. Just her, me and Clapton in the background. She gives me cold shivers with her A/C and makes me feel weak in knees when I bend down ultra low to take those heavy bags out of the boot. But, she left me for a fancy face-lift.

Sigh.. I think I must go back to my other ladylove now. These kids call her Cinquecento these days. ;)